The Luigi and Mario Land

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One day, I had received $50 dollars from my cousin as a late birthday present. (A week late I must add) So I went to Gamestop to buy some new games. I went to a different Gamestop than usual, because the one down the street from my house has practically no games at all. This particular Gamestop, was a bit cooler, considering they had Gameboy games.

The ORIGINAL Gameboy. I browsed by the Playstation 2 section to notice something peculiar. They had a Japanese game with the title:

"ルイージとマリオランド"

The information on the back was in Japanese, too. I went and asked the cashier if he knew what this was. He simply replied "Let me look it up"

So he used his Japanese keyboard (Don't ask me why he had one) and typed it in to Google Translate. It translated to "The Luigi and Mario Land".

Mario? Sony has a rivalry with Nintendo. Why would the PS2 have a Mario game? I bought the game for $5.79, took it home, and started playing it. Directly after my console did the regular Playstation intro, the main menu to this strange game opened. That's weird, I thought, but being as naive as I am, I pressed "Start New Game".

My screen went black and my console turned off. I restarted the game, only to find the main menu altered. It only had one option "Load Game"

Well, I don't have any progress on my memory card, I thought. I selected the only option available and a generic memory card loading data box came up with the words:

"Loading Completed, you may go there now."

Go there now? What does that mean?

The screen went black again, but this time only for about 8 seconds. A map came up. There were 3 levels, although I could only select the first. I pressed X and the level started. "Level 1--1" was flashed briefly on the screen. I had 4 lives. I started to walk and found a turtle shell i kicked it and suddenly flashes of red and grey attacked the screen. "Level 1--1" appeared again and this time I had 1 life left.

This is getting creepy, I said to myself. I started walking and this time avoided the shell. Text came on the screen. 

"Why not, Thomas?"

This was my name and I freaked out for a second. There was also a reply box. I had this ghoulish conversation with the game:

Me: "Because the screen went weird and I lost 3 lives"

Game: "But Luigi is dead. You escaped, but he was trapped, and you never cared

Me: "What?"

Game: "You know how it goes. One saves a life, one takes one away."

Me: "Who are you?"

Game: "I AM NOT THAT MAN YOU SEEK!" The key is in the yellow box."

"Level of ME" came on the screen. I was now walking in an empty castle bearing a strong resemblance to Bowser's castle from Super Mario 3. I saw a yellow box.

"The Key" flashed on the screen. I jumped on the yellow box. A realistic-looking Luigi came on the screen. He was dead. His face was halfway ripped off. His throat was slit.

I shut off my PS2. He was still there. I unplugged my PS2. He still remained for about three seconds until I saw this on my screen:

"Bye."

My TV then turned off.



Credited to KokoKrispies
Originally uploaded on December 31, 2012

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