Super Mario RPG: Hatred of the Seven Demons

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Super Mario RPG was everyone's childhood, and if you didn't grow up with it you did not have a childhood. We all loved this game growing up as a child, as the SNES was everyone's first console. However, a spooky thing did occur that have been unknown to gamerkind since it happened. For example, did you know that there was a secret unreleased sequel to Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars that was made in 1999 by the Squaresoft Final Fantasy team? Both Square Enix and Nintendo will always deny that it ever happened because it was way too spooky to be released, but it DID happen, and I will illuminate this abhorrent malady of inconspicuous terror if I can.

I once found a copy of the game on E(vil)bay, which the seller put as FREEEEEEEEEEE! I was grateful for this because I wanted to experience the nostalgia of playing this childhood masterpiece again. I bought it, and the next day it was delivered to my door (thanks USPS!). Regardless, I started playing this masterpiece, but little did I know I would be getting into a discarded heap of refuse of electronic dejection.

I opened the internals of the cartridge to see what enhancement chip the game was using, and inside it was BOTH the Super-Accelerator 1 (SA-1) chip AND the SuperFX2 chip. I thought "this was weird!" because no game had ever used more than one enhancement chip, and it would be theoretically impossible to fit both chips inside a cartridge, but I figured: "Ah square pushing the boundaries of graphical technology, I knew if anyone could figure out how to do this it would be you".

I then played the game. It was normal up until Mario, Geno, Mallow, Peach, and Bowser came up upon a Xenomorph looking thing. It was fully modeled and looked like an early PS1/N64 model. Not a lot of tris and no textures, but was fully modeled nonetheless (the rest of the game presumably used the SA-1 chip). It then hyper-realistically killed everyone with a lot of hyper-realistic blood and guts flying everywhere and the game ended.

I then was so spooked I never played a vidya geyme again.

The end.

Written by Jeddeh Boi
Content is available under CC BY-SA

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