Punked By a Skeleton

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It was Friday night and I was chilling at the crib on some Xbox Live when something thumped against the inside of the closet door. I ignored it because my apartment building's full of rats, so I'm always hearing shit. It happened again, and then again, louder. I kept ignoring it, but when I heard someone knocking "Shave and a haircut" I took notice.

That wasn't a rat.

Putting the controller down, I got up and walked over to the door. I was ten feet away when it burst open and a whole skeleton jumped out. I fell back a step and let out a girlish scream. "WHAT THE FUCK???"

The skeleton grabbed a conveniently placed knife from an end table, threw back its head, and belted out an inhuman battle cry. It lunged at me and I ran, bumping into the couch and almost falling. I clawed at the front door and got it open right before the skeleton reached me. I bolted into the evening and ran across the parking lot. Surely he wouldn't follow me. Monsters can't expose themselves to everyone in broad daylight.

Not this motherfucker. I looked back and he was gaining on me, the knife slashing back and forth through the air and his lipless mouth smiling. I screamed, ducked left, and raced down the sidewalk. People jumped out of the way, and then screamed in horror when the skeleton blew past them. "Ethel," a man gasped, "there's a skeleton chasin' that man."

A zoomer whipped out his cellphone and started to film. It appeared on YouTube five minutes later the title "White Boy Boutta Catch That Fade From a Mf Skeleton." I overturned a metal trash can to slow my pursuer down, and he kicked it out of the way, pounding his chest like King Kong. I took a wrong turn and wound up in an alley. Dead end.

I turned around, and the skeleton was advancing on me, the knife raised. I started to back up. "No," I said, "stop! STOOOOOOP!"

"I'm gonna fucking kill you," the skeleton said.

"Please, no!"

The skeleton raised the knife.

Just then, someone called out for him to stop and he turned. A cop car was parked across the mouth of the alley and three cops were pointing their guns at him. The skeleton took a step forward, and the cops opened fire. Bullets tore through the skeleton, splintering and obliterating its bones. It wailed and toppled backward. It hit the ground and shattered into a million pieces.

The last I saw of the skeleton was as the cops led my traumatized ass away. The skull screamed at me. "Tighten me up, motherfucker. PULL UP! PULL UP!"

I've been in the nuthouse ever since.

THE END.



Credited to Jrubas 

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