Holder of Taco Bell

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...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

At 3 AM in the morning, after you've jacked off into a sewer vent using barbecue sauce as a lube and claimed biweekly unemployment benefits, walk into any Taco Bell in Des Moines, Iowa. Make sure that your cashier has red hair and freckles and a penis. Ask him/her if he/she directed A Beautiful Mind. If that person says yes, bark like a dog seventeen times and tell him/her that you like turtles. The employee in question will lead you into the backroom. There, using unexpired salsa as your lube this time, masturbate into the meat hose. The meat hose will be full of semen. Spray this semen meat into the next fifty taco shells. Make sure you lick the taco shells with your tongue, and take a picture with your 80s-style cell phone. When you get home, upload the pic to the Internet and force it into becoming a meme.

In your dreams, you will be visited by the ghost of Andre the Giant. Ask him why the Undertaker lost, and he will fuck you up the ass until you experience rectal tearing. Use lucid dreaming to wipe the leftover salsa lubricant off your dick and onto your shredded asshole. Andre the Giant will animorph into the Taco Bell chihuahua  Properly spell out the word 'chihuahua', and the Taco Bell dog will sympathize, and grant you a Free Meals For Life card. You are now the holder of Taco Bell.

Your penis is object 69 out of 666. Learn how to use it, because you will go sterile in 42 hours.

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