Holder of Fluffy Kittens

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In any city, in any country, go to any pet store or zoo you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of Fluffy Kittens". Should a look of child-like glee come over the worker's face, you will then be taken into the building, in a long, well lit, windowed corridor.

All you will hear is the sound of fluffy kittens meowing, growling, and purring endlessly. It is a language that you do not understand, but your very soul will feel unspeakable happiness.

Should the kittens stop making noise at any time, start tiptoeing, and be as quiet as possible; you don't want to interrupt naptime. If you do, you'll have to leave; don't stop for anything, don't go home, don't stay at an inn, just keep moving, sleeping wherever your body drops.

You will know in the morning if you've escaped successfully. Or you can just offer them some milk as compensation. That works too.

Anyway, after you've dealt with that, continue on. Upon reaching the room, all you will see is a gigantic open-air gazebo, with hundreds of cute fluffy kittens huddled in the corners, playing endlessly and cradling something. The kittens will only respond to one question: "What happens when you all grow up?"

They will then stare intently into your eyes and answer your question in horrifying detail. No matter how fluffy the kitten, no matter how cuddly, cute, or playful, all kittens eventually become cats. They will go into excruciating detail of every sofa shredded, every sweater unraveled, every songbird devoured.

Many go mad in that very gazebo; others disappear soon after the encounter, and still others end their lives. But most do the worst thing, and make eye contact with one of those kittens. You, too, will be tempted. Be warned that if you do, your snuggling will be one of cruelty and unrelenting horror.

Your death will be in that room, by that kitten's paws.

That kitten is 0 of 538. They must never grow up. Never.

Originally uploaded to the 'Parodies' category of the Holders Wiki

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