Good Laptop for Porn Copypasta

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...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

I'm looking for a laptop that would be great for porn: Watching already-downloaded 4K videos, downloading/streaming them online.

Some basic info to hopefully keep the moralizing down: 1) I'm married, my wife is cool with this and we're very open about it, in fact it'll be organized into "my stash," "her stash," "our stash" for watching together/using as inspiration for new things to try. 2) I travel for work a ton, so I spend a lot of nights alone in a hotel room and really don't need to be judged for what I do there. 3) Yeah I know I could just fire up Pornhub. I'm into some stuff that's not accessible for free and/or is old and not easy to find online anymore.

So my priorities:

— 4K display. I'm not too familiar with terminology around displays and monitors, like what "IPS" means or anything like that. So I'd like to get some recommendations on a good one.

— Room to add lots of storage, so fairly accessible spots for at least two and maybe even three SSDs, or one or two SSDs and a big HDD, or whatever.

— Reasonably lightweight would be nice. I'm fine with like a 13" or 14" display, but certainly not opposed to 15" if it's a pretty thin laptop.

I don't care if it's a touchscreen or if it rotates into like a tablet form. Those might be nice features, like I'm not opposed at all, but I wouldn't pay extra for them.

I won't be doing serious productivity or gaming or anything on this, so no worries about any of that. A processor good enough to give this at least 5+ years of life would be great though.

I know I could just put this all on an external storage device, but I just prefer not really having it ever even touch my work laptop or devices I use for serious productivity stuff and not dealing with dongles.

Let's call the budget a flexible $1,200. It would be great to spend less than that, and more isn't a huge problem, but I want to give folks a general target.

EDIT: On the budget, 1) it does not include the storage I'm looking to add. And 2) some have mentioned that 4K displays cost more. That's cool, my budget is flexible, I'm open to thoughts.

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