Donkey Kong: The 202nd Banana

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OK guys I am seriously terrified right now! I just went through the most scariest thing I've ever went through. Because of this I will never play Donkey Kong 64 again!


One day I was feeling very nostalgic and wanted to play some Nintendo 64 games. But I sold most of my games long ago. I was thinking about going to Ebay but you never know what you get on there. Instead, I went to a local tag sale to try and find some games. Then I saw it: a worn blank yellow cartridge with "DK64" crudely scribbled on the part of the cartridge where the sticker should be. Donkey Kong 64 was one of my favorite games for the Nintendo 64. I asked the jittery old man who was running the tag sale how much it was.

"No, please! I don't want it, just take it for free!" he said in a scary tone. I didn't know what he was talking about: Donkey Kong 64 is a really good game. But then again he was pretty old and probably didn't like video games anyway. I took the game and drove back home to my house.

Cranky's Fate

When I put the game in the Nintendo and switched the power switch on, the screen flickered for a little bit. Just a minor glitch, I thought. It was a used game after all. I don't like rap so I instictively pressed the button to skip the DK rap when the DK rap started up. However, in its place was DEATH METAL (I don't know what song it was because I only heard a little bit and I don't listen to death metal)! I was frightened, but I wanted to go back to listen to it again. I reset the Nintendo 64 and waited for the DK rap. But, when it started there was no death metal it was only the rap that it usually is.

Must have just been my imagination, I thought. I continued the game and saw that on the file select screen files 2 and three had save files on them, and file 1 was an empty file. The two save files that were on the file select screen were all at 101% and had all (or so I thought at the time, but I know better now) 201 bananas. I ignored them out of respect for the former owner and started a new game.

The first thing that was weird was that the opening cutscene was skipped. That's okay because I didn't really like sitting through that long cutscene anyway. After that, it put me outside the DK isles like it usually does when you start a save, but not a new file because you have to go through the tutorial and get the potion in Cranky's Lab. Then, I noticed that there was no music or enemies throughout the whole game, and any text bubble that showed up was either blank or said "..."

I played for a little while but the lack of music and enemies was creeping me out, even though I knew (or thought I knew) that it was just another glitch. I wanted to fight K Rool but I didn't want to complete the whole game just to fight him, I just wanted to fight him for fun. So I started up save file 3 that was at 101%. The first thing I noticed was that the sky was blood red, with swirling black clouds. There was scary music that looked like it was reversed and slowed down. The bird that always flies down to you and tells you stuff throughout the game flew down to me and told me: "Cranky wants to see you"

So I went and saw Cranky. Hopefully that would fix all the scary things that was happening in the game. I just wanted it to be over, I wanted so much to get rid of the cartridge once and for all, but I kept playing. I was shaking as I walked into Cranky's Lab. I watched in horror as Cranky's face twisted before my very eyes, and he had black holes for eyes that was bleeding hyperrealistic blood. He said: "Find the 202nd banana or I will make you suffer my fate"! He forced me out of the lab. Then I saw that DK's fur was bloodstained with impossibly realistic blood, and his eyes were black holes like Cranky's. There were enemy's all over the place now, and they were all covered in blood!

I was so scared, but I needed to keep playing for some reason. I went to fight K Rool, maybe he had the 202nd banana. But the weird part was that there was only DK. Even though I had every banana the other Kongs were missing from the tag barrel. So I jumped down into K Rool's lair to fight him. I fought him as DK first, and when I beat him it was supposed to go to Diddy but it didn't, it just froze. I had to reset the game. When I did, I found myself in a secret room that I haven't seen before. There was a golden banana floating above me, it must be the 202nd banana. But it was just out of reach from my highest jumps. There was no way out of the room so I had to reset the system again. When I did, it cut to a black screen, and a deep distorted voice said "You have failed, now you will suffer my fate!" Then it froze again. I reset the console again, but nothing happened. I turned the system off and on and it still didn't work. I blew in the cartridge and it still didn't work. So I took it outside and burned it in a fire pit.

But I still have nightmares almost every night about the 202nd banana. I can see it but I can never get to it. I am so scared because even though I destroyed the cartridge, I'm scared that I will one day suffer Cranky's fate.

Credited to DreamingChaos
Originally uploaded on May 31, 2013

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