A Strange SuperTuxKart Update

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Did you ever hear of that game called SuperTuxKart? Well, it's a game where you race around and shit. It is extremely intense. Yeah. This ain't no fucking baby game, HELL NO. This masterpiece of a game requires skill, talent and agility. Only the purest of players can play, like me and my (dead) buddy Peppermint Patty. But after what I witnessed, I never want to play it again...

It was like any normal day. Me and Peppermint were training ourselves for the SuperTuxKart Olympics 2018, which we were invited to come and participate in. Suddenly, the phone vibrated. There was a text for him, from an anonymous person. He checks the text. He goes pale.

"Uh... I got to go." He says.

"Why?" I ask.

He then shouts, "IT'S FUCKING NOTHING BITCH!" and runs and slams the door, crying.

"That was odd." I thought to myself, but I continued my day like normal, grinding on Star Track all day long. I had no job, since my only qualities were being good at SuperTuxKart, so I NEEDED to win this to get the cash prize of $9001. But Peppermint did not return...

It was 11:00 PM when I suddenly got an email. It said,

"Dear Tux Player,

We have completed the latest update for SuperTuxKart.
Enjoy... hahahahahahaha...

fuck off."

I this was very strange, but I was exited to see what new features it has. Maybe my OC PenisMan would make it in. But there was a bigger change than that...

I downloaded it whilst throbbing with excitement. It was soon ready. I clicked on the icon and launched the game. The menu looked brand new, to the point where it looked like a AAA game's menu. It was so good that it looked hyper realistic. Very strange considering it is free software. I shrugged it off and clicked single player. I saw XR591 looked different, so I clicked it. I picked Gooey, as he is my waifu. He is so damn OP, that's why I use him.

The track loaded, and it seemed very off. The art style looked more realistic than the cartoony, vibrant look of the old update. The colours were washed out and it was very bleak and sad looking, like me. There were no other racers, even though I did not pick time trial. Being the stupid individual that I am, I revved up my engine and started to race around the track. When I went through the tunnel, the green goo was now red, LIKE BLOOD! And the eyes that popped out were gone. Gooey seemed to be sad and afraid. I thought nothing of it because I want to be killed in this story. The rest of the track was barren. There were no big slugs, no structures or trees, no aliens, no robots, no nothing. How fucking boring. As I crossed the finish line, Gooey began crying.

"YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL" Popped up on the screen. It returned to the track selector with the only track being, "666". I wondered to myself, "Why have I not turned this off? I probably might die if I continue." My conscience said, "It's because you are fucking retarded dude. I contemplate why I am still here sometimes." I then realized that I was talking to myself because I was very lonely.

It was only then when I saw the 666 I realized, "OH MY GOD THE DEVIL POSSESSED THIS GAME!" Yes, my friends, Satan put all his powers and strength into possessing a free open source racing game JUST to spook me and make me shit myself. Why he didn't devote his time into conquering the world is something I will never know. Oh well, back to the story.

I don't know what drove me to pressing enter, but I did it anyway. It loaded and the horror I witnessed was so terrible that I can't stop seeing it in my dreams. The sky was pitch black. The ground was a barren brown. Gooey was shaking in fear and had BLOOD TEARS coming out of his eyes.

The slugs, the aliens, and the eyes from the green goo were here, but with their stomachs cut open (eyes don't have stomachs). They were dead! The organs were spilling out onto the ground. The sound of distortion and deathly screams were looping, never ending. Kinda sounds like today's music actually. These dead 3D models made me vomit into my toilet. Yes, I am this big of a pussy. The car slowly moved to the finish line. After that, it went black, and said, "I AM GOD". A screaming picture of Gooey being cut up was shown for a few split seconds, and then my PC crashed. I sat there, crying. What did I witness? But it did not end.

My PC kept showing me gruesome HYPER REALISTIC pictures, getting worse and worse. I would describe them here, but NAH. I don't feel like it. But the final image was the worst. It showed Peppermint being killed by a shadowy block. I then realized who it was. Ice Cube killed my friend, just so he could win. But one day, Ice Cube, ONE DAY, VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE! I decided to call 911. Those robbery and attack victims can wait, because I am more important. But then somebody knocked me out with a bat, leaving me unconscious.

When I woke up, the police arrived. The SuperTuxKart update was gone from my PC, so was the email. The police thought I was batshit insane and just left. I remembered the image of Peppermint, so I quickly drove to his house. And sure enough, Peppermint was dead, like the image I saw. There was a small chunk of ice on the floor.

After that, I never played SuperTuxKart again. Even after months of therapy, I will never be the same. I didn't go to the SuperTuxKart Olympics 2018, and I am glad I didn't. Because, at the event, everybody was murdered.

Ice Cube's whereabouts are unknown. But, I warn you, DON'T play the new update. Ice Cube might still be alive...



SuperTuxKart is free.

It features Tux, the mascot of Linux.

Linux is free.

Does Linux support communism?!?!

Written by TenPinChameleon‎
Content is available under CC BY-SA

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